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When you love someone with an addiction, regardless of what that addiction may be, we seem to begin to neglect ourselves. Maybe its because we spend so much time taking care of others, or perhaps it is because we believe to need help may be a weakness. We learn to keep pushing in life no matter if we are sick, or tired or emotinally drained without stopping to perform any kind of self care.
I read about this in my Courage To Change book today -the funny part is after a morning of trying to talk myself out of it I called out of work today because I have come down with the flu. For many people this is a no brainer- for me to stop and take a day to nuture and care for myself is a huge step.
What I realized is that we spend so much time making sure others are okay and have what they need to be successful that we allow ourselves to fall to the wayside, our needs become less important to the point that we learn to ignore them all together. We may even get to the place where we feel guilty doing something for ourselves or taking time to nuture ourselves. Now when in a relationship with an active (and sometimes even recovering addict) this behavior combined with the self centeredness the addict acquires during their addiction is a great fit. Everything is about them!!! However when we are working towards healing ourselves we find out that we have to put the same amount of care we would into supporting them into supporting ourselves. We deserve it...
Given that I have given myself and you a challenge- do soemthing nice for yourself today- anything it can be as small or large as you like- block out some time just for you- take a bath, read a book, apply some makeup, buy yourself something anything just take a minute and take care of you-
And that moment where you second guess yourself because you feel a twang of guilt- remind yourself that you deserve it!
6 comments:
That is so true. Taking care of myself doesn't come natural to me. I have to work at it.
Great post!
Roxie
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Ahhhh. I feel so at home here! Yes, life takes courage to change.
One of the most exhausting things I ever did to myself and my body was spend years trying to "fix" everyone else instead of going for the joy!
Now I am older and wiser and so much healthier in mind, body and spirit.
Keep up the great work here! It helps us all keep on focus.
Hugs!
Viveca
Any type of care giver tends to fall into the same self-abuse.Moore than not they end up in worse emotional shape than the person they are caring for because there is no one there to care for them or pick up the pieces when they eventually fall apart. I am so happy that you found that book and are identifying with the importance of self-care and self-respect.
Good luck with your journey!
DorothyL
IT is like when the boat is sinking, if you do not stay afloat you are not going to be able to help the other person stay afloat.
It is very difficult to put up with an addict as their mood may vary all of a sudden and it can get very embarrassing while out.
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Very good advice. In my work at a rehab I see it so often that the partner is spending all of their time and energy looking after the addict. They need to take time for themselves.
I have attached a link to an article here that is well titled.
Motivating someone you care about to get help and taking care of yourself at the same time.
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